Essay: Writer’s Block

The following “essay” is a glimpse inside my mind when I sit down and attempt to write because I have free time and I know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing. I have filled it with fun gifs to make it more interesting and possibly even more difficult to follow. Happy Holidays to all you fucks who make it look so easy.

Here I am… I have the morning off. Four more free hours before I have to go to work at my job. My stupid stupid job. I have to write something…

writingWrite write write. I’m hungry? Maybe I could write more if I had some food. Like a hot sandwich… Oof, but I should be dieting to an extent no? WRITE SOMETHING. Taco salad could be good. Does anyone deliver taco salads? The Thai place down the street delivers… And I suppose the pizza places do too and they technically have salads.

tacoWORDS. I could just order take out. That would only require leaving for 15 minutes tops. If I’m quick enough I might not even have to change out of my pajamas. Pilot script about pajamas? A pair of hilarious pajamas starts their new job at an office…

jimMy hair isn’t dirty yet I don’t think. You’re really not supposed to wash it everyday anyway. My holiday party is tomorrow, I need to shave my legs before then. A girl goes to a holiday party and meets the love of her life. Been done. A lot. Someone just texted me saying they can’t come to the holiday party. One less person showing up. Girl goes to holiday party, gonna meet the love of her life, but then he cancels last minute because of work and they never meet. What the fuck is that? I’m just writing two seperate stories about people who are soulmates? That’s dumb.

holidaypartyA movie about a holiday party that didn’t have a cheese plate because the person in charge of that cancelled the day before, then a radioactive waste can flies through the window and infects everyone inside. They wouldn’t have been infected had they eaten cheese because that is the antidote. So now they have super powers… If I had super powers I would rob banks. Not hurt anybody, just… Not have to go to my stupid job. And to buy a bunch of salads so I don’t have to move when I want to eat one. That movie idea wouldn’t work. It’s silly. Plus too many main characters.

noI have 12 guests coming to my holiday party. I could clean my apartment.

dustWRITE. If I ditched the idea of a salad I could just order a pizza and be done with it. Wait no, then I’m ditching my idea of a diet. A sketch about pizza that makes you thin because it’s made completely of laxatives and caffeine.

stoppoopingMy dogs are dumb. I have turkey burgers in my fridge. I should just make one of those… Oh I have hummus too. And an uncut cucumber. Hummus, turkey burger, cucumbers. What to write… I think it’s time to write the treatment for the dart movie… God dammit the dart movie…  No. Not yet. YES. Where am I? I’m going to bed.



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